


I'm Not Crazy

by Badgermole



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Asexual Character, Bonus Chapter, Halloween, Human AU, M/M, Mention of blood, Panic Attacks, secret, small injury, virgil and patton share an apartment, virgil and roman are brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badgermole/pseuds/Badgermole
Summary: Virgil has a secret... and he is most definitely not crazy.Bonus Chapter added!*Teen for one sort-of curse word.





	1. I'm Not Crazy

“You’re real, right?” Virgil broke the comfortable silence but didn’t look up.

Patton looked up from the book he was reading, a slight furrow in his brow. “Of course I am Virge.” Using his finger as a bookmark, he started to shift to scoot closer to his best friend. Virgil flinched away, pushing himself farther into the arm of the couch they were sharing.

“You wouldn’t lie to me about that?” Virgil refused to look up at the bespectacled dad friend. He needed to know for sure. He needed to be absolutely sure.

“I promise you, I’m real.” Patton had a soft face, unable to hide his true feelings most of the time. His nose twitched feeling it start to moisten. Life was hard for Virgil and Patton just wanted to help so much, but there were things he couldn’t do. Like get all those bad things out of Virgil’s head.

“Okay.” Virgil whispered, but his shoulders were stilled raised to his ears and a slight shake could be seen in his hands.

 

A loud thud echoed through the apartment. Patton’s book laid on the floor, the older boy had fallen asleep while reading. Despite jumping off the couch and his hammering heart, Virgil could see that Patton was still sound asleep. His eyes darted around the room unsure before gently picking up the book and putting the bookmark in the open page. He stuck the book inside his hoodie pocket and stared at his friend’s sleeping form.

Virgil clenched his jaw, thoughts running a mile a minute in his head. Finally he slowly stuck out his finger and poked Patton’s shoulder. He was real. Patton was real.

He let out a breath he had been holding and took a moment to assess the best way to get Patton into his bed. While it may have been comfortable to fall asleep on, the couch was a horrible place to wake up on. Virgil slid his arms around Patton and lifted him bridal style. It had been ages since he had carried Patton. A strong shiver ran down Virgil’s back, feeling like someone was digging their nails down his spine.

“Just get Patton into bed,” Virgil huffed shifting the other in his arms slightly, “and then you can freak out in your room.”

Virgil wasn’t strong, he was barely surviving the walk from the couch to the bedroom door. He pushed through the shaking in his limbs, for once not caused by his anxiety. Finally, like the light at the end of the tunnel, Virgil dropped Patton on the small, stuffed animal covered bed.  He cursed under his breath. He hadn’t meant to drop his friend so violently.

Patton, the deep sleeper that he was, didn’t even stir. Virgil whispered a good night that he was sure he couldn’t even hear himself and disappeared into his own room.

////////////////////////

“God, just shut up!” Virgil shouted rubbing his temple.

His head immediately snapped up. His heart hammered in his chest as he felt everyone in the silent library looking at him. Someone in front of him cleared their throat.

“I did not say anything.” A voice came. That wasn’t Patton. It was too stiff and awkward and cold. Virgil blinked finally focusing on the form seated across from him.

Logan, Patton’s friend. What was he doing here? They had only interacted maybe once? Virgil was sure that conversation had ended with him bolting away. Where was Patton?

Logan fidgeted slightly with his tie. People and emotions were not his thing, that’s what he had Patton for.

“Patton just ran to the restroom. I am sure he will be back momentarily.” Logan offered. “You may have been absorbed in your work, but Patton had asked if it was alright if I joined you as I was doing other work at a table over there. You had given some sort of grunt that Patton interpreted as a conformation.”

Finally Logan paused his ramblings to take a breath. “If it was misinterpreted, I can return back to my table. Patton insists that I do not get out enough and therefore that I need to interact with other humans more.”  

Virgil snorted. Yeah that was classic Patton for sure. How else could you explain the dark emo that was sitting in the library in the middle of the afternoon?

The pair heard a high pitched squeal and both turned to see Patton staring at them, a huge smile on his face. Logan and Virgil were actually talking to each other and Virgil was even looking up at him! His body itched to wrap both of them up in a huge bear hug, but he knew neither would enjoy it.

Virgil felt his face heat up and ducked his head, burrowing back into the work he had been doing. Logan slightly adjusted his glasses as Patton plopped down between the two.

The trio worked quietly, each doing their own work. Virgil had no idea what time it was He constantly fell into his own world when he got focused on something. But something broke through that invisible barrier between him and the outside world.

“Patton, is your friend alright? He had an unwarranted outburst prior to your arrival.” Logan whispered, leaning over to the other.

Virgil felt his shoulders rise and heard Patton shift in his seat.

“He’s alright Lo. Thank you for the concern,” Patton let a small smile dance across his lips but it didn’t reach his eyes. It was great to see that Logan was acknowledging others feeling and trying to understand them, but… it was just different with Virgil.

////////////////////////////

Virgil was pacing back and forth in his room. He kept wringing his hands, it was better than pulling at his hair. Last night…last night hadn’t been great and Logan was going to ask because that’s how he showed he cared. Like Virgil, he had an undying need to understand.  Patton wasn’t going to say anything because it was personal to Virgil. As much as Virgil had pleaded, Patton would not be the middle man between his best friend and his boyfriend.

Patton tried to reassure Virgil that he could trust Logan with the whole truth. Logan and Patton had been together for a few months now and Virgil did honestly consider the other a friend, but he had had enough difficulty telling Patton that he just couldn’t.

Logan had tried to meet him halfway. The nerd had done some extensive reading on auditory and visual hallucinations. The poor socially inept guy had ‘casually’ brought it into the conversation. Virgil had frozen for only a second before bolting out of the apartment, he hadn’t even stopped to put on shoes. Patton had found him hyperventilating and huddled in the alley on the side of the building.

“I’m not crazy.” Virgil had been mumbling between gasps.

Patton had rubbed his back until he calmed. Even though Virgil knew, Patton explained again that Logan didn’t mean it and that wasn’t what he had intended. Virgil couldn’t get himself to apologize in person for a few days. Patton had relayed a quick apology when they came back, his arm around Virgil, but Patton had made the younger one promise to do it himself when he was ready.

But now he was frantically pacing. Unless it got bad, Patton told him he would have to handle it himself. He honestly should have seen it coming. Since Logan moved in, Virgil hadn’t had the apartment to himself in ages. He and Patton talked about how Virgil could ask the other to give him the empty apartment sometimes, but Virgil’s anxiety just wouldn’t get him get any farther than that one conversation.

Virgil exhaled harshly through his nose. Why couldn’t it be a week day? He could just hide in his room until the others left for class and he would be alone and he could eat breakfast and shower and not have to worry about the tie-wearing curious third roommate who was currently in the kitchen doing crossword puzzles.

Even if Logan did not directly say anything, Virgil would feel his questioning eyes on him or see the quiet need to solve the mystery in the other’s eyes when they passed each other. Virgil vigorously rubbed his face and shakily grabbed the door handle. He could do this… probably.

Logan was sitting at the table doing his crossword a cup of now cold coffee beside him. One good thing about Logan was he worked like clockwork, a specific schedule he followed to the nose.

“Good morning.” Logan spoke as Virgil sat down across from the other, pulling at the threads of his hoodie.

“Mmm.” Virgil didn’t look up. He could do this, he had been practicing all this morning to himself.

Silence filled the apartment as Virgil tried to figure out what to say. Logan’s pen gently scratched against the paper as he patiently filled out the letters of 25 down.

“I…uh…I get stressed sometimes when I don’t have space…” Virgil pulled his shoulders up more still pulling at the loose threads around his wrists. “Sometimes that happens.”

It wasn’t the whole truth by any means but that’s the best he could do.

“Sleep paralysis is a reasonably common condition. There is no reason to be ashamed.” Logan noted.

Virgil wanted so badly to curl up even more, but the table in front of him was preventing him. What he had was most definitely not common or normal and was certainly something to be ashamed of. Normal people don’t wake up with a blood-curdling scream and can’t move any part of their body for half an hour. Normal people didn’t freak out their friends.

 “Do you think sometimes you could spend your time in the library or something…” Virgil whispered under his breath and into his chest, sure that Logan hadn’t heard.

“Would you like me to go now?” Logan asked not raising his eyes from his puzzle. Neither one was fond of eye contact.

Virgil shook his head, “No.” Last night had been his explosion, he was good for a while at least. There was silence, neither sure what to say. Logan took a deep breath.

“I do not do… I do not provide the same comfort or companionship as Patton does for you, but I am here should you need something.”

Virgil let the corner of his mouth twitch into a smile before nodding. He slowly got up and shuffled into the kitchen to make himself some cereal. Patton would blow a gasket if he learned Virgil hadn’t eaten. As Virgil was grabbing the porcelain bowl from the cabinet, something startled him and he dropped the bowl shattering it into pieces and he stumbled backwards.

Virgil slowly registered that his feet hurt and that Logan was beside him saying something… but his hears were ringing and he couldn’t figure it out. Logan seemed to realize and disappeared from Virgil’s vision. Virgil slowly sat on the floor, laying down away from the broken bowl to get off his feet.

Logan returned with the back of his crossword puzzle, a note written on it. ‘Are you injured anywhere other than your feet?’

Virgil blinked and looked at his numb body. He shook his head. Logan nodded and scribbled on the paper again. ‘I’m going to clean up. I will call Patton. Do not try to go anywhere.’

So Virgil waited on his back staring at the ceiling as his body started to register there were pieces of bowl stabbing his feet. That’s what you get for not wearing the kitten slippers Patton bought you last Christmas.

The front door flew open and Patton was dropped to his knees beside Virgil. “I don’t wanna go to the hospital.” Virgil mumbled.

“We have to look at the damage first okay?” Patton whispered. He gave Virgil and awkward hug, the other not moving himself much from the floor.

“It was that bastard again Pat… I don’t know what to do.” Virgil whispered into Patton’s ear. Patton’s hug tightened and he held on longer than what could be considered normal, even for Patton.

“Who?” Logan inquired from Virgil’s feet.

“Not now love,” Patton said raising his head from Virgil’s hair. “How’s the damage?”

Logan opened his mouth before closing it and starting again, realizing Patton meant Virgil’s injuries not the lost dish. “The cuts seem shallow. I would recommend collecting tweezers, bandages, and some needle and thread just in case. We may have to invest in crutches or a wheelchair as to keep Virgil off his feet to heal.”

“Good.” Patton gave Virgil one last squeeze before collecting the supplies Logan requested.

//////////////////

It was Halloween. Virgil hated it. His feet were still healing because he refused to sit around and do nothing. Logan had started to study outside of the house when Virgil asked, so that was better at least. But it was also fall, his favorite season. He would walk without his music blasting so he could listen to the crunch of leaves under his boots. He would watch the leaves lazily fly through the wind. And it was finally sweater weather, he could wear his zip-up hoodie without fear that Patton or Logan would tell him that he was going to overheat and pass out.

Virgil fiddled with the keys in the door. He couldn’t for the life of him get it to open, but his endless jiggling seemed to draw someone to the door. The door swung open to reveal none other than Roman, his insufferable older brother.

“Wha-?” Roman pulled his brother into the house, wrapping the smaller boy in a hug. He kicked the door closed with his foot.

“You miss me?” Roman pulled away to get a good look at Virgil and flashed a smile.

“You can’t just break into my house!” Virgil playfully pushed Roman away. Virgil did a quick check of the shoe mat but was surprised to see that Logan’s perfectly placed dress shoes were not there and neither were Patton’s marker colored old sneakers.

“Who did let you in?” Virgil raised an eyebrow.

Roman waved his hand absently. “I’m magic remember.”

Virgil frowned. “No, really. Who let you in?”

Roman let out a groan and threw his head back. “You know you are absolutely no fun! Patton let me in before he had to leave.”

 Virgil hesitantly reached out and poked his brother’s arm.

“We did just hug you know.” Roman said quietly after Virgil pulled back his hand.

Virgil gave an uncomfortable shrug and took of his boots. Honestly, he should have been going around in his sneakers but they just didn’t work with is outfit today. Roman would get a kick out of that, one of the few times he cared about his fashion.

“Shouldn’t you be in New York or something?” Virgil asked as he listened to his brother romp around the living room and flop onto the couch.

“Am I not allowed to visit my favorite brother?”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I got you a gift that I thought you’d get a kick out of.” Roman pulled a bag from behind the couch. “And sometimes I just want to see you. What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t check in every once in a while?”

Virgil shifted uncomfortably at that. He didn’t put in any effort to check in on Roman.

“I mean, it’s an older sibling thing. You know? Have to look out for you young dumb kid.” Roman amended and motioned to the bag.

It still didn’t feel great. Nevertheless, Virgil sat down opposite his brother on the coffee table and took the reasonably sized gift back into his hands. Small jack-o-lanterns and bats littered the outside of the black and orange bag.

After removing the orange glittery tissue paper, Virgil let out a snort.

“A Ouija board?” Virgil pulled the box out, turning it over in his hands.

Roman let a smile take over half of his face. “You get it?”

Virgil nodded and gave a genuine smile. Ever since Virgil had explained _it_ to Roman, the other tried to put a lighthearted take on it. While Logan turned to questions and research, Roman turned to humor and showmanship.

“Let’s open this sucker up!” Roman pulled the box from Virgil’s hands.

 

The two brothers sat for some time just pushing the pointer around. Well Roman did most of the pushing and supplied ‘ghost noises.’ Even though they were alone, Roman would ask cryptic questions and Virgil would answer just as cryptically. It made _it_ easier to talk about. Like using You-Know-Who instead of Voldemort. It had been far too long since Virgil had been this relaxed. Logan was great and Virgil was happy for Patton, but they were inseparable. Virgil had lost his confidant and the only other person he had trusted enough to tell.

“Maybe I’ll visit you next time.” Virgil shrugged. They both knew that the stress of travel was too much for Virgil, but Roman smiled at the sentiment anyway.

“You should get out more, this place reeks of nerds and old books.” Roman’s face contorted as though it did smell horrible in the apartment.

Virgil’s eyes flicked up to something behind Roman and his jaw clenched. Roman watched as Virgil slowly brought his eyes back to his brother’s face. Roman reached over to place his hand on the younger’s shoulder but Virgil flinched away.

“Sorry.” Virgil whispered as Roman shrugged and pulled back.

“Do you want me to-“

“No. I… I- unless you have to…” Virgil’s eyes had found themselves back on whatever was lurking behind Roman. They were still near enough to Roman’s head that you would have thought the anxious boy just couldn’t get proper eye contact. It was something Roman had to decipher when they were younger, what was an attempt at eye contact and what was not. This most definitely was the latter.

“I’m here for as long as you want Virge.”

 

As long as you want turned out to be around 5 when Roman sheepishly announced that he had a date at 7 and needed to prepare for the special night. Roman may have been a romantic but he didn’t go out often. During their younger years, most of that was due to Virgil as much as Roman would deny it. Virgil smiled though and wished his brother good luck.

“When are you guys going to pop the question already?” Virgil teased as he walked his brother out of the apartment and to the car. “I’m going to have to have a word with Thomas if it doesn’t happen soon.”

Roman’s face heated up more than he would have liked. “We’re-“

“ ’We’re taking things slow’,” Virgil cut in with finger quotes and all. “You’ve been going slow for four years. Propose to the guy already.”

Roman sputtered as the red of his face darkened. “I- You- This is why I don’t visit!” Roman shouted and crawled into his car.

“You love me!” Virgil shouted as his brother pulled away from the curb. A smile spread across his face. The sun was starting to dip down in the sky, but the dusk colors just fit perfectly with the changing trees. Virgil did a quick check that he had his keys and double checked the door before heading out. He let his feet take him wherever they wanted.

 

“Is this yours Virgil?”  Logan greeted as Virgil removed his boots. The temperature outside had dropped quicker than Virgil had prepared. He just wanted to curl up under warm blankets and let hot chocolate warm his insides. But Virgil looked up anyway to see Logan standing near the couch looking down at the coffee table.

He had left out the Ouija board.

“Yeah…” Virgil started hesitantly. “My brother likes gag gifts.”

“It is quite appropriate for the time of the year. The lore around Halloween is quite intriguing.” Virgil could see Logan ramping up to knowledge vomit on him and he was not in the mood, especially not on this topic.

“Logan… I’m really not in the mood tonight. Sorry.”

Logan blinked looking up at the shivering Virgil. He cleared his throat. “Of course, my apologies Virgil. I shall put on the kettle to heat you up some water. Your feet seem to be bleeding again.” Logan motioned to Virgil’s reddening socks before turning on his heels toward the kitchen.

“Aw crap.” Virgil huffed as he quickly made it to the couch, lengthening his strides so he would leave the least amount of blood on the wood floor behind him. Virgil lazily pushed the Ouija board off the table back into the bag. He propped his feet up on the table and carefully removed the ruined socks. He hissed as the fabric rubbed against his open wounds and constantly stuck itself into them.

“It is fortunate that I have gifted you a number of socks for your birthday.” Logan announced emerging from Virgil’s room holding a clean pair of black socks as well as the first aid kit.

Virgil’s face paled. “You…you..” Virgil took a deep breath to calm his rapidly increasing breathing. “You can’t just go into people’s rooms, Logan.”

Logan looked down at the socks and back up at Virgil. “Oh… yes that would make sense. I had just assumed given your condition, it would be wise to get you clean socks to prevent infection and protect your newly bandaged feet.”

“Just…just remember next time.”

Logan hesitantly sat down on the corner of the table, barely enough to support his weight. The table was not a place for human body parts. After helping Virgil, he would have to wipe it down thoroughly with some Clorox wipes.

“I’ll clean the table,” Virgil mumbled seeing Logan’s discomfort.

“It is alright I do not need you bleeding all over the place again.” Logan let a tentative smile creep onto his face.

Virgil nodded, letting the bespectacled friend tend to his feet. The house was so calm. Both boys sitting in a comfortable silence as Logan cleaned and bandaged Virgil’s wounds. Sure Logan was no Patton, Virgil doubted anyone could rival Patton, but Logan was a friend and he tried. Could Virgil say that about himself? They had bonded... when Virgil was acting like a normal human.

Virgil took a deep breath. Logan looked up at the sound of a sharp inhale, worried that he had caused Virgil pain. He had to do this before he lost his courage. He opened his mouth…

Only to be cut off by the whistling of the tea kettle.

“One moment Virgil.” Logan quickly removed himself from the table, relaxation filling his body. As Virgil heard the shuffling of chocolate mix being opened and water being poured into cups, the small bit of courage Virgil had fled him.

////////////////////////////

“I… uh… I think I’m going to tell him.” Virgil muttering into his coffee, his eyes flicking up to Patton for only a second before looking back at the warm swirling black liquid.

There was a bit of a pause while Patton tried to figure out the context of the statement. The pair had gotten to the coffee shop about a half hour ago, at Virgil’s request. Logan was out of town at some sort of science conference so for the first time in months it was just the best friend duo. After getting over the initial shock that Virgil wanted to voluntarily go outside, Patton knew that Virgil had something important he wanted to say.

It was the middle of December now, and Virgil still couldn’t find that courage that Halloween to tell Logan. It was only during Thanksgiving break that Virgil had blabbered out to Patton that he had been so close. He had woken up from a nightmare and Patton had found him passed out at the kitchen table the next morning. In his dream, Logan had reacted… rather poorly to the news, to put it lightly. Patton of course let Virgil know that Loan was not like that, and even if he was Patton would physically fight him.

“That’s really good kiddo.” Patton’s great big smile was evident in his voice.

Virgil shrugged like he wasn’t planning on telling someone his deepest secret.

“He’s important to you and the only other friend I have… and it, you know, doesn’t look like he’s leaving anytime soon.” Virgil still didn’t raise his gaze from his drink. “And you know, I’ve always wanted to see you fight someone.”

Virgil hid his smile as Patton let out a laugh and swatted at Virgil.  “I told you it’s going to be fine.”

//////////////////////////

Virgil was pacing is room now. He had somehow gotten Patton to tell Logan that he wanted to talk. He was actually going to do this now. He didn’t really have a plan. Roman found out because they were brothers and Virgil had been more open about it when he was younger; he hadn’t realized how complicated the situation was. Patton found out because Virgil had one of those sleep paralysis episodes and Virgil wasn’t quite aware of what was going on.

He could do this.

Three sharp knocks on his door stopped his pacing. Virgil froze mid-stride. He took a deep breath and opened his bedroom door. Logan stood there adjusting his tie looking just as uncomfortable as Virgil.

Virgil didn’t trust his voice and motioned for the other to enter. Logan nodded and shuffled into the room as Virgil closed the door behind him. Although Patton already knew, it was nice the added privacy and sense of security.

“I’m just going to spew a bunch of stuff at you and then you don’t have to say anything you can just leave.” Virgil muttered as he heard his desk chair creek.

“I know you know that I’ve got some… weird quirks and stuff… I figured you’re not going anywhere anytime soon and I figure we’re friends or something. And I trust you…” Virgil stayed staring at the carpet, the tips of Logan’s galaxy socks just in the top of his vision.

“I…” There was a long pause as Virgil’s nerves started to catch up with him. _Rip it off like a Band-Aid Virgil!_ His mind shouted at itself.

 

“…..I can see ghosts.”


	2. Am I Crazy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bonus chapter. Some fallout from Virgil's reveal.

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut as his confession seemed to echo through the silent room.

“I can see ghosts.”

Logan still hadn’t said anything. How long had the two been in silence? A few second? A few minutes? 10 minutes? 20? Virgil felt as his body became tighter and tighter. His head started to sink down while his shoulders rose up. Oh god, Logan hated him. Logan thought he was crazy and unstable and horrible. What had made him ever think that he should tell people? Logan was a guy of science and facts. Under the roaring in Virgil’s ears, he was pretty sure Logan was chuckling at the absurdity of such a statement. How messed up was Virgil that he believed such a thing?

Something burning hot touched Virgil’s stiff arms. He let out a shriek that he couldn’t hear and stumbled backward, doing his best on stiff yet shaking legs.

“Patton!” Logan shouted.

Virgil flinched at the loudness from the soft-spoken friend. Logan didn’t yell. And the noise was so close to him. If he had dared to open his eyes, Virgil was sure that Logan would be nose to nose with him. Observing and scrutinizing the weird delusional specimen before him.

 

Patton had been jolted out of his book by Virgil’s shriek and was already sprinting to the darker boy’s room when Logan yelled out for him. Patton tried to wrack his brain for what had gone wrong. He knew letting Logan was a big deal and there was no real way to know how he would react, but he knew deep in his heart that it was going to be okay.

Patton pushed open Virgil’s door and took in the sight before him. Virgil was stiff as a board with his eyes squeezed shut enough to probably be hurting him. Logan was pacing in front of Virgil pulling his tie down and running his hand rapidly through his hair.

Logan’s eyes landed on his boyfriend and Patton could see the fear and confusion mixed with a light of hope.

“He told me, and while I was formulating a response he fell into this panicking state. I attempted to calm him but it did not seem he was aware of what was around him.” Logan spit out in one breath. His pacing paused as Patton moved in front of Virgil.

“My phone is in the living room. Call his brother, Roman.” Patton motioned for Logan to go, not taking his eyes off of the petrified younger boy.

It took a bit for Logan to process what was said to him. “Patton… I, I don’t call people…” He whispered. Patton let himself shoot a quick caring glance at Logan.

“You’re going to call and hang up after one ring. Then call and hang up again. The third time Roman should answer. He’ll know it’s an emergency then you can pass me the phone alright?” 

Patton turned back to Virgil before he saw Logan’s nod but heard the quick steps as Logan dashed into the living room.

“Virgil?” Patton whispered tilting his head to try to look at Virgil’s closed eyes under his bangs.

Patton tried again at a normal volume. “Virgil?”

The tension in his muscles seemed to start to fatigue him. Virgil was now shaking harder than ever. It probably wasn’t good. His body was going to give out at some point.

“Virgil?” Patton tried again, louder but keeping a soft caring tone the best he could.

“Patton…” Logan was standing in the door way, the phone to his ear. Roman was currently yelling at the unprepared tie-clad friend. It was understandable, Roman gets the emergency signal from Patton’s phone only for someone other than Patton to answer and give him absolutely no information on the situation.

Patton carefully took the phone from Logan and told the other it was alright if he sat down in the living room. Logan was operating in some form of shock and simply nodded and followed the directions back out of the purple bedroom.

“Calm down.” Patton said, directing it to both Sanders brothers. Patton could hear the heavy breathing slow and try to calm itself on the other end of the line. Virgil still seemed unresponsive.

“Virgil told Logan.” Patton said slowly as he pinned the phone between his ear and shoulder. “I think Logan didn’t say anything immediately and Virgil took that as… not good and he’s really not in a good state right now.”

“I think it’s kind of like his night episodes, when he just gets stuck…” Patton rubbed his forehead, nothing like this had ever happened before. Vanilla panic attacks, fine. The night sleep paralysis episodes, fine. This…Patton didn’t know what his was. “He’s not responding to me. I don’t want to touch him and make it worse but I think he’s going to cause himself to pass out if he keeps this up.”

Roman made a frustrated groan before moving away from the phone and shouting something to someone. Although Patton couldn’t hear, someone must have replied and Roman returned to the mouthpiece.

“I’m coming.”

 

Virgil slowly blinked open his eyes. His whole body hurt and everything was too bright. He groaned and wanted to roll over and curl into himself, but his body didn’t seem to want to cooperate.

“Virgil?” A quiet voice asked.

Virgil let out grunt, just wanting to go back to sleep.

Someone slowly wrapped their hand around his. Virgil’s normal reaction to touch would be to flinch away so fast he would get whiplash but all he did now was to open his eyes he hadn’t even noticed he had closed them.

The room was a bright white. A slow moving thought of if he was dead moved through his head as though it was in a lazy river. He continued to blink, clearing his tired eyes.

“There you are you dope.” Roman muttered squeezing his brother’s hand.

Virgil moved his eyes to around Roman’s face. He didn’t have the energy to look him in the eye. Realization started to dawn on Virgil that he didn’t know this place. The beeping of the heart monitor echoed through the room as it speed up.

Hospital.

Virgil let out a pained whimper as he willed his body to get out. He couldn’t be here. He was in a hospital room which meant he was going to be there for a while. How long had he been out? How long until he could leave? He needed to leave now.

“Shhh,” Roman squeezed Virgil’s hand again and carefully wrapped his arms around his sibling. The pair stayed like that for a long time and slowly Virgil was able to get his arms to return the hug. He felt Roman smile into his hair.

They pulled away but Roman kept their hands interlocked. Virgil could see the gears turning behind his brother’s eyes.

“Just ‘elll me.” Virgil barely whispered. Roman rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before pulling the chair closer to the bed.

“You told Logan.” Roman started hesitantly. He wasn’t sure where Virgil’s memory was at and he didn’t need his brother spiraling into panic again.

“Logan was taking his time responding, to process what you had said. We think you thought he… that it hadn’t gone well and…” Roman furrowed his brows, most of this was speculation and he desperately wanted the full story. “You… you ended up in this panic attack paralysis hybrid and we couldn’t get through to you. It was really tough…”

Roman paused and started to move his thumb in circles on his brother’s hand. Virgil weakly squeezed in an attempt at comfort. Roman let a small sad smile cross his face before taking a deep breath to continue.

“You… you…” Roman closed his eyes for a second, collecting himself. “You had some sort of seizure, we think. Logan called the ambulance and I flew in on the first flight I could.”

Virgil suddenly became aware of the unnatural weight on his head. He shakily moved his free hand up to run over his hair. He was met with a massive tangle of wires.

“We weren’t really sure what had happened and you’ve never had any seizures before, so the doctors wanted to monitor you brain signals….” Roman muttered as Virgil dropped his hand.

Fear suddenly struck Virgil at the realization of doctors looking into his brain. What if they saw _it_? What if then they wanted to drug him up and look dissect his brain?

“Shh,” Roman stood up again, pulling his brother in for another tight hug. “You’ve been out, but they say everything has been fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. You’re okay.”

“I want to go home Ro,” Virgil mumbled into his brother’s shoulder.

 

Virgil leaned his head against the cold window. When the doctors learned that he was awake, they had wanted him to stay and conduct more tests, but Virgil refused and signed the papers that he was going against medical advice to leave. Roman kept glancing over at him, worry written all over his face. And he was supposed to be a good actor, Virgil snorted to himself.

His body still felt like lead and he had somehow survived his hospital stay, but that just meant he was going home. He would have to face Logan again. Roman had tried to explain that Logan didn’t think any less of Virgil, though Virgil could tell just from Roman’s reassurances that Logan didn’t quite believe him. Everyone understood that Virgil needed some space though, so Logan was going to be spending time back at his parent’s house. No one was sure about what Patton should do, they didn’t want Virgil to feel abandoned. They finally decided that Patton would stay in the apartment but wouldn’t be around when Virgil returned.

“Are you going to stay over?” Virgil asked as Roman fiddled with the lock to the front door. The stupid thing really needed to be fixed.

“Of course I am.” Roman said and let out a happy ‘ah ha!’ as the door swung open. First and foremost, Roman was staying because his brother just got out of a hospital and against the doctors wishes at that. Someone needed to watch the stubborn guy. Secondly, he had come in such a rush that he didn’t have anywhere else to stay, aside from their parents. And that was not a road he wanted to go down right now.

Roman moved to help Virgil shuffle onto the couch before entered the kitchen to get some proper food in the both of them.

Their parents weren’t bad people by any means. They were fine when Roman and then Virgil came out. They were supportive of Roman’s move to New York for his theater work and were fine that Virgil probably wasn’t ever going to leave the county he’s grown up in. But… they didn’t see eye to eye with Virgil on _it_. They had gotten him help for his anxiety, in hopes of a kind of two birds with one stone type of deal.

Virgil would just shut down at the mention that what he was experiencing was some imbalance in his brain, that it wasn’t real. That’s when he started trying to keep it in and ignore it. He started having his paralysis episodes. Roman was finally able to convince him that he could be himself around him and the episodes lessened but never truly went away.

Roman brought Virgil a cup of water and a slice of warmed-up left over pizza he had found in the fridge. The younger boy had wrapped himself up in the large purple blanket Patton had gifted him for his last birthday.

“Am I crazy?” Virgil mumbled into the plush soft fuzz.

“Crazy is a horrible word.” Roman called from back in the kitchen, waiting for a pot of coffee to finish. “No one is crazy. People’s brains just work differently sometimes…”

“I can be crazy for seeing things that aren’t there and believing that its ghosts…” Virgil ducked further into the blanket. He just wanted to hide from the world.

“Come ‘ere.” Roman reluctantly put the warm coffee on the table, knowing it was going to go cold and forgotten. He sat on the couch with some space between himself and the blanketed Virgil. Roman opened his arms and Virgil slowly scooted over, relaxing into the warmth and security of his brother.

 

Patton let out another exaggerated sigh against Logan's chest. The two were laying together in Logan’s room. Logan was resting with his back against the headboard a book on astronomy raised slightly over his chest to look over Patton’s head. While Logan still did not understand the mechanics behind cuddling, he had grown accustomed to Patton invading his personal space. Patton had long since removed his glasses and polo. Roman had texted that it would probably be best if Patton found somewhere to stay the night.

“What is ailing you Patton?” Logan finally caved and placed the simple bookmark between the pages before leaving the book on his night stand.

“Do you think Virgil is going to be okay?” Patton asked gently tracing a small circle on Logan’s T-shirt covered chest. Logan found it highly illogical to remove so much clothing in order to sleep. The ideal sleeping temperature is harder to reach in just your boxers.

Logan clenched his jaw slightly as he removed his glasses as best he could without disrupting Patton.

“We did the proper thing in calling the ambulance and getting Virgil admitted into the hospital. He was in good hands. His medical history has no indicators of an epileptic condition. Roman has said Virgil has been functioning in a normal capacity since leaving the hospital.” Logan rambled and awkwardly patted Patton’s head. “It is very unlikely that Virgil would not be okay.”

“I know,” Patton looked up, squinting slightly as the blob above him. “I just like to hear you explain things.”

Logan smiled slightly at his ability to help appease his boyfriend. Patton nuzzled his head into Logan’s chest. It was late. Patton had wanted to stay up so he didn’t miss any Virgil updates but Roman had long since stopped texting.

“Patton?” Logan asked as he slid down into a more comfortable sleeping position.

Patton let out a small hum as he further wrapped himself on Logan’s side.

“How do you know that Virgil can actually see ghosts? Are the odds not much more in favor of some neurological condition?” Logan had no less than a million questions bottled up after Virgil had told him. “Most who claim mediumship do so out of the need for attention and money. It is a con for innocent people to lose their money in attempts of closure. Virgil does not fit those criteria as he has severe anxiety pertaining to interacting with people. He does not possess the skills to properly execute a scam.”

Patton placed a firm hand on Logan’s chest and propped himself up on an elbow. “Virgil said he can. I trust him.”

“But what if there is some underlying condition? Schizophrenia or a tumor can have similar symptoms.” Logan asked. “Whatever this is causes him obvious distress on his day to day life. There has been one instance of him even getting injured because of it while we have been together. It also takes a toll on his body as evident in his episodes during the night… and the event earlier...”

“I know Lo. I know.” Patton mumbled curling back into his boyfriend. Logan wasn’t sure what to do with that response, but they both needed their sleep. The day was stressful and long for all of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try something where someone has a power that doesn't manifest physically (ie psychic, telepath, etc.) and tell the story without showing the power from the user's point of view. And it turned into this.
> 
> Hope it's alright. Let me know!


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